Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
