Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
