I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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