Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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