as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
