im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
