You're so nebulous sometimes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
