you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
