I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
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well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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