I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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