Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
