fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
