why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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