Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
