ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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