apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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