dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
