your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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