my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
