Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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