The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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