Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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