He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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