I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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