if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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