I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
