all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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