i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
