How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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