i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
