your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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