I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
