apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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