Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
