I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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