How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
