What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
