I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
