Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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