Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!