Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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