That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When are your genitals available?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work