Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.