I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits