When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
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dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.