Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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