how can u be prego again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We had sex on a dog bed..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
