found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
