did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
