Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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