24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
