IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
