The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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