I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
