Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
