i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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