Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
