im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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