Non-Jews are for practice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
