I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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