U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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