I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
