I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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