Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
