Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need a burrito and a hug.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
