just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
