i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
