if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
