doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just google imaged poop.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
