$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
