what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
