Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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