After last night, I could never be a politician.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
