did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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