I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
