Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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