WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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