3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
