Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
