How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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