I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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