I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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