dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
