do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
