i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
