Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
