I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Randomize
