Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
