Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
how does that bad decision feel?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
